It’s as though I’m trapped..


Alone with my thoughts. 

I feel alone. The one thing I thought was steady as a rock

is now all crumbled into pieces. 

And I’ve realized…

Truth is

I’ve put broken pieces of glass together

Shut my eyes

Thought to myself..

that if I only pretended

and believed it was fixed

Everything would work out..

Silly me though..

Anyone would have guessed

But I didn’t know, and

I’ve been cutting myself with these

broken pieces all along.

Cutting deeper each time ..

How much more can I take? How long

can I go on, without finally staying

STOP!

(sigh)

 

Onto worse matters….

 

Yesterday..

I went to the hospital to see my uncle again. It’s strange, how after time you become accustomed to the situation. It’s sad. I like to think of him as how he was before. Although now his condition doesn’t make him any less of a person. He’s still my uncle. I still care about him and love him no matter the circumstances. My point being, by remembering him like before.. I gather all my strength in hopes that he will become healthy and active as he was one day. I spoke to him, I said “Uncle, you have to be strong, you have to get through this, I believe you can and I know you’re a very strong man, we are all here to support you, everyone, and we love you very much uncle… ” I looked at him, I was trying my hardest to encourage him, and my hardest to not break down… As he would blink his eyes, almost as if wanting to reaffirm what I had just said..and I saw his mouth, very delicately moving in effort to speak.. but silence was the only sound present. I looked at his eyes and i could see his distress, I saw a stream of tears fall down and I said “Uncle don’t cry, you’re going to get better, I know. You have to rest, you have to be strong uncle, you will get better..little by little, don’t cry uncle..” My heart broke. I wish there was some way of helping him, some way to erase all of this and forget it ever happened. But it’s reality and as much as I hate it, we all have to be strong to face it. Please keep my uncle in your prayers tonight.

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