Love life strikes

Why would you text me…?

Why make it that much harder?

I don’t want us to pretend like you’ll end up by my door, convincing me to return to you, because we both know that you won’t..

And for once I know I won’t. I’m tired of doing all the chasing and all the settling for us. 

Despite my feelings, how can I ever return knowing you will always look at us.. look at me as the damned one.. As if “with you I can tell our relationship will just end up being horrible, I can see it, we won’t make it down the road, I’m just saying it won’t be good because you can’t change” are words I could take lightly.
..and no I can’t change, if you expect me to become a voiceless, pushover, girlfriend then obviously you are right.
Whatever I had said before about it being okay that we were complete opposites, that I always knew from the beginning, only I embraced it and you did not. I now I take it back. I can’t be that person you want me to be. It’s just that simple.
And I find it unbelievable that you can “perfectly” predict such a future about us based on our disability to like the same things or voice the same opinions. Since when was it mandatory to be an exact twin of your significant other?
Well now, 
You got one thing right, except your timing was a bit off because fortunately for you,
We won’t ever know now whether things would have worked between us, maybe they could have. 
I mean I’ve spent three years with you, we must have been doing something right…. I’m just not and I won’t ever change into that person you want me to be. 
What would the point of happiness and harmony between us be if I’m not myself, if i am not who I really am?
Can you really say you love me then…

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It’s as though I’m trapped..

Alone with my thoughts. 

I feel alone. The one thing I thought was steady as a rock

is now all crumbled into pieces. 

And I’ve realized…

Truth is

I’ve put broken pieces of glass together

Shut my eyes

Thought to myself..

that if I only pretended

and believed it was fixed

Everything would work out..

Silly me though..

Anyone would have guessed

But I didn’t know, and

I’ve been cutting myself with these

broken pieces all along.

Cutting deeper each time ..

How much more can I take? How long

can I go on, without finally staying

STOP!

(sigh)

 

Onto worse matters….

 

Yesterday..

I went to the hospital to see my uncle again. It’s strange, how after time you become accustomed to the situation. It’s sad. I like to think of him as how he was before. Although now his condition doesn’t make him any less of a person. He’s still my uncle. I still care about him and love him no matter the circumstances. My point being, by remembering him like before.. I gather all my strength in hopes that he will become healthy and active as he was one day. I spoke to him, I said “Uncle, you have to be strong, you have to get through this, I believe you can and I know you’re a very strong man, we are all here to support you, everyone, and we love you very much uncle… ” I looked at him, I was trying my hardest to encourage him, and my hardest to not break down… As he would blink his eyes, almost as if wanting to reaffirm what I had just said..and I saw his mouth, very delicately moving in effort to speak.. but silence was the only sound present. I looked at his eyes and i could see his distress, I saw a stream of tears fall down and I said “Uncle don’t cry, you’re going to get better, I know. You have to rest, you have to be strong uncle, you will get better..little by little, don’t cry uncle..” My heart broke. I wish there was some way of helping him, some way to erase all of this and forget it ever happened. But it’s reality and as much as I hate it, we all have to be strong to face it. Please keep my uncle in your prayers tonight.

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