Love life strikes

Why would you text me…?

Why make it that much harder?

I don’t want us to pretend like you’ll end up by my door, convincing me to return to you, because we both know that you won’t..

And for once I know I won’t. I’m tired of doing all the chasing and all the settling for us. 

Despite my feelings, how can I ever return knowing you will always look at us.. look at me as the damned one.. As if “with you I can tell our relationship will just end up being horrible, I can see it, we won’t make it down the road, I’m just saying it won’t be good because you can’t change” are words I could take lightly.
..and no I can’t change, if you expect me to become a voiceless, pushover, girlfriend then obviously you are right.
Whatever I had said before about it being okay that we were complete opposites, that I always knew from the beginning, only I embraced it and you did not. I now I take it back. I can’t be that person you want me to be. It’s just that simple.
And I find it unbelievable that you can “perfectly” predict such a future about us based on our disability to like the same things or voice the same opinions. Since when was it mandatory to be an exact twin of your significant other?
Well now, 
You got one thing right, except your timing was a bit off because fortunately for you,
We won’t ever know now whether things would have worked between us, maybe they could have. 
I mean I’ve spent three years with you, we must have been doing something right…. I’m just not and I won’t ever change into that person you want me to be. 
What would the point of happiness and harmony between us be if I’m not myself, if i am not who I really am?
Can you really say you love me then…



WARNING: Dreadful Relationship Blog

Sometimes I wonder why I’m in a relationship with such a jerk. Yes he can be a great time, sweet, and promising at times. There’s only one major flaw that keeps me from moving on and I just simply cannot go forward if I know it’ll always exist. My boyfriend has a tendency of chatting with other girls and in the process he receives pictures of them. Granted this is all online, from what I know… so there is no chance of them actually meeting up and continuing things. However its still pretty damn exhausting and so annoying. Yesterday he left the house to go buy pet supplies for a puppy I gave him… so as he was out I was in his room and just to let you know.. We made a promise in where I would trust him and stop checking in on him.. which I have. His end of the promise was to stop chatting with other girls and stop doing things he wouldn’t do in front of me. Well its not a surprise that I broke the promise, I was curious to know if he was being faithful.

Surprise, surprise. I went into pictures, saw a folder named “XXX” and silly me.. I thought “Oh he has my pictures the PC?” Well that was not me in the pictures alright. And it wasn’t just one girl either. It was a bunch. I’m talking about ehh ten pictures in total of different girls. I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t even mad. Doesn’t that say something about the situation? When you just don’t even care anymore? I know these were pictures sent to him. He possibly asked for them from some random girl online. And of course I know girls aren’t stupid enough to send pictures of themselves to strangers. Actually I take that back because that’s a lie. But anyways my guess is that its mostly girls sending him FAKE pictures. So in a way I guess that’s why it doesn’t bother me. They did look like normal girls.

Well typical me would confront him. This would lead onto another dreading argument in where not one of us would come into an agreement. This time I just let it go. It doesn’t mean I won’t take it seriously.. I just didn’t want to ruin a great day because of him. Why should I stress myself over him? I’m just sick of it. I’m tired of feeling this way! I honestly do not know what to do. I know the guy would never cheat on me in real life but its just so annoying he needs to seek other girls online to get off. Where am I in this?  Obviously something is wrong with this picture. And here I go again stressing over it haha. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I could dump him. See.. I’ve been waiting for him to change and I know it’s most likely not going to happen but who knows? I feel as though he still has a lot of growing up to do and I know I do too. In alot of ways I try to sit back and look at the problem from the outside and I realize I’m being stupid by putting up with it. I know I should walk away, learn from the relationship and start anew. I know most likely he will learn his mistake if not with me, somewhere down the road and then he will know. I’m so lost with my thoughts I forget what is the next logical thing to do. Hah. I have much more to ramble of but I prefer to take care of my puppy! 😛 And the truth is it just got about 20 degrees hotter here, so I have to get moving!